The puzzle

Hey you!!! How are you doing? How is life going in the fast lane? I don't know about you but I felt like the days flown by like nothing and then it was February. Believe me, I am still processing what has occurred recently in the past months. Sometimes I still feel behind with catching up with it all.

The one thing I can say, God has blessed me with some extra grace and favor. I felt that I really needed it. Life was not easy in the past 8 months. So when I tell you God has blessed me with some grace and patience, believe He did.

So let me just share a fun fact about myself. Maybe it is for me a fun fact but I will share it anyway. I am a nerd/geek, have been since my teenage years; a big lover of science, chemistry, math and biology (biology mainly what has to do with the human body).

This hasn't made me a popular person at school because I am so different from everyone else. Felt that I was more an outsider because of it. So as you can imagine, being a nerd/geek has not been a great thing. But I can say that it has given me a lot of knowledge of how to solve a puzzle or be able to use my brain in a problem solving manner. Definitely if I use my brain properly.....

So enjoying solving problems and making things as efficient, sometimes it overcomplicate things. I have developed a love for puzzles. So I am a big fan of puzzles. A 1000 piece puzzle mostly is not even a challenge for me. I am able to finish it in 48hours. Just by looking at the pieces and being able to put them together.

So before my vacation time I started a puzzle and it was so challenging. Because I was super busy and so much has happened that I haven't been able to sleep, I mostly had to put my thoughts in order so I could be able to function on a daily basis. My depression has just broken me to the core in a way. But it hasn't taken my hope away.

In the midst of the thinking, processing, functioning and trying to see that all is not lost, days have gone by when I couldn't even pray. Days like those haven't made being single easy but to be in a relationship might have not felt like something healthy either. Still, dealing with the feeling of resentment because of the past and some of the words spoken over me of being worthless or nothing just occupied the space back in my mind again.

Believe me when I tell you I enjoy being single but at the same time I would love to share my life with my person.

I have the feeling these past months have not been too productive neither feel like doing something but still have to function as a human being.

It tears you apart sometimes. So going back to my puzzle making. I wasn't able to finish my puzzle before I left. I normally get super annoyed with it but this time in a weird way God has given me peace by just looking at it unfinished. I felt just perfect the way I left it because this puzzle reflects my life so much in how God is building me up in a way that I never thought about it. He is the puzzle Maker and every piece that He places is in the right order and it all fits perfectly together. Even though we don't know what the whole picture will look like, we can see God's grace in the middle of it all. How He places each piece even though it seems like the worst thing that ever happened or the nonsense of the year. And when you look back you can see that the things that didn't make sense at all, starting to make sense.

And definitely when the healing takes place the renewing of mind and heart starts to become visible.

At any other moment it will seem as a place to be the wrong moment or the wrong time.

So are you going to let your Maker be the master of your puzzle? Or do you know how it all will end up.

So for some of you who say I am my own master of my puzzle I want to ask you a couple of questions. Feel free to think about it and take it all in or not.

Do you have control over every or most situation in your life?

And if you have control over your life or most of the situations that happen, does it feel exhausting to fight every battle on your own?

And for those of you including myself who are saying that God is the puzzle Maker of our life:

Do you really let God into every area of your life?

Or do you still hold the ropes sometimes, without wanting to let go.

For me it has been as soon as I have done it all by myself it has burned me out. In every single way possible. So that's why I leave it up to the Puzzle Maker. And believe me I am far from perfect and sometimes I still want to take things in my own hands and I have realized how exhausted I get at the end.

So as an encouragement, you let go and let God do whatever He needs to do, this might mean returning every single day, maybe even multiple times a day back to God with whatever you are dealing; with the good or the bad. Let Him be the Puzzle Master of your life. For I am nothing but He is everything....

I hope you this has challenged and blessed you just as much as it has me.

Much Love,

Nathania